Unpopular Prez: Top 5 Ways for Obama to Raise Approval Ratings

The American people have spoken, and what they have to say isn’t all that great for the President. According to the most recent ratings, only 50% of Americans approve of the job Barack Obama is doing, and that, as you can obviously discern, is not so hot. He’s dealing with plenty of bigger things on his plate, but everybody wants to be liked, right? So what can our Commander in Chief do to turn things around? How can he make sure that he doesn’t wind up sitting alone in the corner of America’s lunchroom?

5 Hand out money

Last resort, he should just throw some cash around. Our economy is still in dire straits, so the average Joe still enjoys a little green pick-me-up. Barry O. should be hitting all the local DC bars and leaving $50 tips for bartenders. He should be giving homeless guys hundred dollar bills. He’s got the money to spare, and they could sure use it. Plus, when asked what they think of the President, anyone that he has randomly handed a twenty-spot to is at least going to hesitate before they can say in good conscience that they disapprove.

4 Profess his love of Jennifer Lawrence

There is no one more widely adored right now than recent Oscar winner Miss Jennifer Lawrence. She’s a movie star, but she seems to be genuine, humble, self-effacing, and honestly funny. So jump on that bandwagon, Obama! After all, nothing strikes up conversation quite like a shared love of the latest Hollywood darling, and the Prez should be using this to his advantage. It’ll have Americans saying “Oh my God, he loves Jennifer Lawrence?! So do I! She’s just so down to Earth. You know, I didn’t vote for him, but I’m really starting to see why so many people did!”

3 Disagree with his wife

Okay, we get it. You love your wife and you like to make it seem like she’s the one with all the power. But seriously dude, sack up. It’s one thing to make some jokes here and there about how she makes all the decisions, but this man is the leader of the free world. Once in a while, he should maybe act like it. It’s okay to wear the pants sometimes, buddy. Hell, he wears the pants in his relationship with the world; he can probably admit that while he loves his wife, he’s also well aware that he runs this shit.

2 Outlaw the Harlem Shake

This is not a metaphor. Literally, make the Harlem Shake illegal. This Internet phenomenon has run it course arguably faster than any other meme in history, and the President would be doing right by the American people if he was the man that put a stop to it. In fact, he should go one step further and deem the making of any new Harlem Shake videos an act of treason. Seriously, this needs to stop. Step up and do your damn job as Commander in Chief. Make sure that every Harlem Shake video, ends the way this one does.

1 Be an “every-man”

Sometimes, people just want to be able to identify with the man in the White House. They may not agree with all of his policies and decisions, but if they see him as someone they could hang out with they’ll likely approve of him in general. In turn, Obama should have a TV set up on the front lawn of the White House for a major sporting event. He should then sit on a lawn chair, drinking in the springtime sun and sipping on a tall, cool beer. There’s no better way to get Johnny America on your side than to show them that sometimes all you need to be happy is a cooler full of beer and a good game.